Abby Ramsay, a 24-year-old who had recently undergone a sterilization procedure, has started an important conversation on social media with her tongue-in-cheek photoshoot. The viral TikTok video, uploaded on February 2 last year and viewed over 3.8 million times, features Ramsay approaching a box with “Congratulations” written on it. With clear excitement on her face, she opens the box to reveal the paperwork for her sterilization surgery, in a style reminiscent of a typical pregnancy announcement or gender reveal.
Ramsay’s decision to live a child-free life was made when she was at least 16, and at the age of 19, she began looking into permanent sterilization. However, her initial attempts to discuss the matter with healthcare professionals were met with resistance. One OBGYN suggested she needed therapy, despite already receiving it, while another dismissed her concerns and prescribed birth control pills that made her ill. Another doctor claimed that no one should undergo surgery unless it was absolutely necessary, even though Ramsay had brought up her family history of ovarian cancer, which the sterilization surgery could also help prevent. Ramsay shared her frustrating experiences on Instagram.
Several of the meetings Abby Ramsay had regarding her sterilization decision left her feeling frustrated and traumatized. She was not taken seriously, infantilized, and told that she was too young to make such a permanent decision. In the same breath, some doctors suggested she should have a baby, as if that were somehow less permanent. Eventually, in December, Ramsay found a doctor who listened to her and understood her needs. Her surgery, which is scheduled for February 4th, is a source of relief, excitement, and nerves for her.
Ramsay opted for a combination surgery that includes a bilateral salpingectomy (removal of both fallopian tubes) and an endometrial ablation (removal of the tissue lining the uterus). This combination was chosen to eliminate the risk of unwanted pregnancy and to alleviate Ramsay’s long and heavy periods, which interfered with her daily life. Despite the surgery’s high cost, which would have amounted to approximately $116,000 without insurance, Ramsay’s out-of-pocket cost was only $1,000.
Abby Ramsay shared that the doctors she consulted with about her sterilization decision had different reasons for refusing to perform the operation. Some cited her age and the possibility of regret, while others believed that the surgery was unnecessary and comparable to procedures like plastic surgery. One doctor even suggested that there was something wrong with her for not wanting children and recommended therapy to “fix” her brain. These experiences left Ramsay feeling frustrated, dismissed, and powerless. She was upset that a hypothetical person, an unborn child, had more control over her future than she did.
When Ramsay finally found a doctor who respected her decision, she was nearly moved to tears. The doctor listened to her for just five minutes before offering her options and recommending procedures that she thought would be right for Ramsay. This was a refreshing change for Ramsay, who had never felt heard or believed before. The doctors who eventually performed her surgery also acknowledged that Ramsay had clearly thought about her decision and knew what she wanted. For Ramsay, this was like a breath of fresh air.According to Ramsay, being able to simply state her desire for the procedure without having to justify or fight for it was an immense relief. “I have multiple reasons for choosing to be child-free and not wanting to experience pregnancy, including genetics, medical concerns, and fears. However, ultimately, ‘I don’t want to have kids’ should be reason enough and respected,” she stated.